Tonight's post is brought to you as a public service announcement.
Most people will never interact with their local EMS providers. As a result, a lot of folks are very intimidated by the thought of having to call an ambulance. In the interest of public safety, I'd like to offer a few helpful hints that might make your ambulance call a more fulfilling experience for all involved.
1. Verify the presence of an actual medical emergency. Not a WebMD indicated emergency, I mean a real illness or injury. These can be easily recognized by the appearance of symptoms BEFORE reading the description of your condition. (You live in Kansas, the likelihood of you actually having Ebola is extremely low.)
2. The 911 operators are trained professionals that are there to help you. Do not yell, curse, swear, or otherwise abuse them. They don't have any control over how long it takes us to get there, who shows up, or what we do when we get on scene. You may only be on the line with them for a few minutes, I have to work with them every day. Please try to keep them in a good mood.
3. Have your residence marked in some visible way. At 3 A.M., I will be unable to recognize "the empty lot where the barn burned back in '76" as the entrance to your driveway. House numbers are relatively inexpensive. Go get some. I'll wait here.
4. I like dogs and cats, but pen yours up before we get there. A cold, wet snout in the back of the neck is very distracting when I'm trying to save your life.
5. We do appreciate the people that call in the car on the shoulder as they whiz past, but do you really think you should be making a phone call while you're driving? Here's a thought- pull over to make that phone call. That's what the guy driving the car you're calling about did.
6. In rural areas, "wavers" are nice. Having someone stand at the end of the (Unmarked. See #3.) driveway to flag us down is actually very helpful. Having six people standing there drinking beer and all waving at once is not. Neither is having a line of a dozen people waving us in for a landing along the entire length of the driveway. It's distracting, and you all look stupid when you do it, so stop.
7. Unlock your door if it's at all possible. We don't have a key. We DO have an axe. You figure out the rest.
8. Bathe regularly. Seriously.
9. It would be greatly appreciated if you could manage to have a medical problem I've actually heard of. If I can't figure out what's really wrong with you, I will simply treat you for something more easily dealt with. Please make every effort to develop that alternate condition before we get you to the hospital. The paperwork is much simpler that way.
10. At some point, I will ask you to rate your pain on a 1-10 scale. Don't say 12. If you are with it enough to joke, you don't need pain meds. I can tell when you're pain is real, and when it's not. Someone that says their pain is a 7 is WAY more likely to get medicated.
11. At the other end of the scale, we do not award bonus points for bravery. As stated above, I can tell when you're in pain. If you insist your pain is a 2, I will eventually stop offering you meds.
12. When we get you to the hospital, try to give the doctors and nurses the same story you gave me. It's embarrasing for me to have you tell them something completely different than the story I got, and it's embarrasing for you to get admitted on a 48 hour psych hold for the hallucinations you are clearly having. Why else would your story change so radically?
I hope these tips have aided you in your 911 calling experience. Thank you, and good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment